Lonely Restlessness

DISCLAIMER:
Sorry to those who are looking for a pick-me-up post....
One of hope and brightness.... this one isn't it and I do apologize.

Today for some reason I have been severely down in the dumps. I'm extremely tired of being alone.... and please! before anyone says "you need to be happy with where you are before God brings you someone" - let me tell you I don't believe that statement. I am very happy with my life. My job is awesome, my kids are my world.... but I go through my days knowing and feeling that there is a missing piece. I can once again only blame myself for this lonely feeling. If I would have chosen a little more wisely my children and I wouldn't be on our own. Acknowledging that fact doesn't lessen the intense feeling of worthlessness. The feeling that today is just like yesterday and will be just like tomorrow. It will consist of nothing more and nothing less than Donuts, Coffee, Kids and Laundry....

Tomorrow is Mothers Day.... I am a mother... a single one... who leads this family as best I can, who oversees almost all meals, bath times, bed times, nightmares and booboos.... the weight of all this I carry alone. I have made the hardest decisions of my life for the good of this little family.... I've just hit a peak of intense restlessness and I'm having a hard time being ok with where I am.

Maybe I need a vacation, maybe a girls night out... I know both would only band aid this feeling.
So I guess I'll just take a deep breath, and keep moving forward.... the best I can, the best I know how....

Thanks for listening and letting me vent guys...
Love you all
Rachel