Just when I thought life was going well, I was making good choices, my kids and I were headed in the right direction... I slipped up. I made a mistake which led to other mistakes... Now I'm looking around questioning myself, my worth, and surprisingly I'm questioning Gods Grace. Is it true? Can I be loved even though I've made mistakes? Mistakes I knew not to make... I've let down everyone who loves and supports me. I think to myself... I don't deserve to be loved. I'm not worth anything to this world... to the church, to my kids.... but could it be that I'm valuable to Him? Even after all I've done....
My heart longs to have God look at me and be pleased with me, with my life... I feel so very far from that most days... I feel like Frodo in 'Lord of the Rings'. He's so tired and worn down from his journey and as he looks towards Mordor and seeing it so far away, he feels utterly defeated, utterly hopeless... it looks completely unreachable.... But isn't that how God wants us sometimes? So helpless and hopeless that we have no where else to go but to Him? These questions plague my mind... The real question I revert to however, is where do I go from here? From this point, this very moment? Do I accept Gods grace, repent and move on? Or do I stay here feeling sorry for myself and beating myself up?
I sit holding my breath, knowing those around me will surely condemn me, look down on me and think less of me as a person and as a Jesus-Follower. I definitely know how the adulterous woman felt as the crowd was getting ready to stone her. She felt the fear of dying, but she also felt extreme shame, deep regret and utter hopelessness that completely consumed her. Thank heavens the story didn't end there! When Jesus looked at her he ONLY saw her heart, who she was beyond her actions, beyond her short comings. He saw his little girl, hurt and alone, broken and torn down. He reached into her world and told her "I love you, no matter what you've done, no matter what you will do... you are MINE".... what a powerful illustration of God's Grace at work... What a humbling story to identify with... What an awesome God....
One other big thing I also need to remind myself of is that we DO NOT live for confirmation or favor of others. We need to remember to live for CHRIST ALONE. No one else's opinion should be able to mold your life or your attitude.... Stay humble, but know GOD's love and blessings do not rely on what those around you think of you. The verse says "Gods Grace is SUFFICIENT" - sufficient means overpayment... His grace is more than enough for everything we have done, or going to do... All I have to do is accept it... closing my eyes and ears to what those around me are thinking and saying, holding fast to the TRUTH that my God still loves me and always will.
I sit holding my breath, knowing those around me will surely condemn me, look down on me and think less of me as a person and as a Jesus-Follower. I definitely know how the adulterous woman felt as the crowd was getting ready to stone her. She felt the fear of dying, but she also felt extreme shame, deep regret and utter hopelessness that completely consumed her. Thank heavens the story didn't end there! When Jesus looked at her he ONLY saw her heart, who she was beyond her actions, beyond her short comings. He saw his little girl, hurt and alone, broken and torn down. He reached into her world and told her "I love you, no matter what you've done, no matter what you will do... you are MINE".... what a powerful illustration of God's Grace at work... What a humbling story to identify with... What an awesome God....
One other big thing I also need to remind myself of is that we DO NOT live for confirmation or favor of others. We need to remember to live for CHRIST ALONE. No one else's opinion should be able to mold your life or your attitude.... Stay humble, but know GOD's love and blessings do not rely on what those around you think of you. The verse says "Gods Grace is SUFFICIENT" - sufficient means overpayment... His grace is more than enough for everything we have done, or going to do... All I have to do is accept it... closing my eyes and ears to what those around me are thinking and saying, holding fast to the TRUTH that my God still loves me and always will.
So, here I stand, at this moment.... I am dusting myself off... I'm getting up and trying again, knowing that God is always there to catch me when I fall and hold my hand as I continue on this 'broken made whole' journey... This journey of Grace....
he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
ReplyDeletepeople who love you may correct you but they wont judge you. we love you. in case you were wondering.