est. 1982

Another year has gone by.... yep I'm another year older... first off I don't feel 33, so am I really? LOL

I've taken a good amount of time reflecting over this past year. Actually the past couple years.... One of the things I've always said was that I wanted a big party for my 30th birthday. You only turn 30 once right? and I wanted it to be BIG! However, because of who I was with and where I was in life it turned into literally one of the worst birthdays on record.

Fast forward 3 years and I'm amazed and overwhelmed by where I am now. Its a completely different life I have. God is so very good! Where I have been so unfaithful He has stayed right by my side and provided more than I could ever ask for. So I thought I would take a moment and be thankful... first off that I'm still alive and second for all the blessings I've been given.... even when I didn't/don't deserve them.

Its amazing but I can actually sit here and proudly say I'm a new person, a much better person. I am loved by those who accept me as I am - yet push me to be better everyday. I've never had relationships like that before, and now I have quite a few! I'm in a job that I love! I've been moved into management, I've never thought I would be running a whole store - but here I am! My children are thriving and growing in Jesus everyday. They are healthy and vibrant... they are my joy...

As I've sat and processed all of this these past weeks.... even remembering the really tough moments.... I'm thankful - for the people who have stood by me, For my family who have always believed in me. Thankful for my bad choices because they are what brought me to my knees at the feet of Jesus. I'm thankful for every struggle, every tear, every sleepless night.... it was through those times that I began to actually KNOW Jesus. I'm thankful that He never let me go....

and Thanks to YOU for the birthday well wishes... it means so much to remember I'm loved by so many....

Bring on year #33!!!

Spring 2010

February 2015

 

Sometimes....

There are so many times when I feel that I don't belong. Times that I feel completely disconnected from those who are supposed to be closest to me. Sometimes, due to my life and where I am (single mom) it makes it so I can't relate to those around me. I feel out of place. Unwanted. Cast aside. Forgotten. The odd man out. Which leads to resentment and hurt feelings. 

Then there are those times when I realize it really doesn't matter! I don't care anymore! I am who I am. I have struggles many could never even begin to understand! So I remind myself that we are all in this life together. So we don't all see eye to eye. So we don't have close bonds or talk everyday. So what? We know we have each other's backs when the times get tough. Always.  

Life is different for me now. I don't relate with others like I used to. I've walked a very rough road these last few years. They have changed who I am and how I view the world. Sadly it's made it hard for others to "get" me. BUT I came to the understanding that it's ok. That honestly this is just how's it's gonna be and its OK. 

So tonight I'm thankful for my family for always loving this "3rd wheel". For my absolutely wonderful friends who have actually chosen to love me!!! For those that are walking my life with me and those that watch from a distance. I'm thankful for all of you. You all have a place in my life no matter how big or small. 

I'm changing. A lot! it's so great! My thought process. My attitude. I'm changing what I spend my energy on and how much I care about things that don't matter at all!! This is the new me. Slowly growing into who I was supposed to be all along.  

I am that I am and that's all that I am!! 

Thanks for loving me....