Song for the Week....

Mercy Reigns
By: Elevation Worship
(click above for YouTube video)

My God is strong enough to raise me from the grave
Your love is great enough to take away my shame

Your mercy reigns

My God is making new the wreckage of my heart
Your hand is reaching down to pull me from the dark

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy covers me
Your grace sustains
Your grace is all I need

Your spirit is my strength to overcome the past
I set my eyes on you and find a grace that lasts

I'm forgiven, washed inside a love that never lets go
You never let go

He said "Do not FEAR!"

Today I began a list of helpful tips for my kids dad (not that I think he'll use it) to have when they start their weekend visitations. You see, they have never been without me, never. I'm finding myself suddenly facing the thought of having to let them go overnight with someone who, lets just face it folks, has done nothing but donate to their DNA. He extremely lacks the caring and attentive aspect of fatherhood. I say all this to help you understand the root of my fear....

Through these past months I've been given reason upon reason to not question my God, time after time He has shown that He is covering us, and providing for us. Why then do I fear? Why do I doubt His ability to keep my children safe? Let me clarify, I don't spend my days worrying and fretting. However, my children are my life, my heartbeats, my world and the thought of them being neglected and not being cared for as I would, sets my heart to fear.

Here is the challenge for me; in that moment when I am so fearful my heart hurts, when those around me voice their fears as well, what can I do?! My fears are justified! My concerns are real! Yet my God requires me to turn over control (news flash, I really had no control to begin with lol). He understands my fears, so He lovingly continues to reassure me that HE can handle it, that HIS plan is far above anything I could do to protect my babies.

Its a constant battle in my mind, satan loves to hit you where you are weak. We are all naturally controlling so to let go and back up (especially when it pertains to your most valuable treasures) goes against our human nature. But I'm trying and I'm learning everyday that HIS way is best. Doesn't mean the times I let them go won't be horrible, it just means I have a big God who will stand by me and remind me that He's got it ALL in His hands and no matter what, its going to be ok.

A new start.... a couple months late

I've titled this a "new start" for a couple reasons... I've never tried to blog before and my life has changed so drastically in the last 6 months, I'm going to try to catch you up!

To continue talking about the path I'm on now would require me to explain where my path has been already, so please hang with me, I'll try to make this as painless as possible lol. Last October I found myself down a road that I would never in my life have dreamed I'd be on. Years of choices had landed me in a place of utter depression, abuse, loneliness and hurt. In July of 2012, due to circumstances out of my control, my kids and I had to move in with my parents. It was only to be for a short time before we returned to their father, the man I had been living with for the past couple years. However, my God had other plans - much BIGGER plans. He slowly drew me back to Him, and in mid October I finally caved (I can be a bit stubborn) and decided that life wasn't for me any longer. I wanted better for me, and for my kids. I wanted to have Hope again. So taking a very shaky first step I told him I wasn't coming back. Thus started the Journey....

It has been a Journey of so many tears only God could know them all. I've been to the point of hanging on by a thread, literally. I've made decisions and choices over the years that have brought consequences I will have to carry for the rest of my life. But in the midst of the fog, the tears, the fear, I have found a God I never knew before. One who was so anxiously waiting for my return and danced for days when I came home to Him. Ever since that moment my heart turned back, I have known complete peace. Yes, there have been days (and mostly nights) where I couldn't breath the fear for my children was so great, the pain of the fight I had gotten into with their father was almost more than I could handle. It seemed life kept handing me one pothole after another! "When will this end?!" I remember screaming one night... But my friends, there was always that Peace.... that solid rock that my feet would landed on.

Thanks why I've started this blog really. Its not to 'inform' you as to my life and all its drama - no. Its to share the amazing stories of my God, His faithfulness when I had been and sometimes continue to be so very unfaithful to Him. His Grace is something I don't think any of us really 'get'. Oh sure we've heard a million sermons about grace and know the hymn inside and out. But do we really KNOW Grace? He is showing me what that looks like, what that means in my life. My God has covered me and my babies so many times I can't keep silent! He has rescued us and will continue to to provide and carry us through these next months and years... and to be honest - with all its heartache uncertainty, and craziness, I'm looking forward to seeing what God has for us, to see what He is preparing me and my kids to do for Him.

So please! Come along and hear about what my God has done! May it strengthen your faith, and I pray somehow touch your heart where you need encouraging.

Welcome to MY Journey of Grace!