My Son

I know I just posted a new blog but I had to write this one out. 

Last night I was trying to put my 2 year old son Gabriel to bed. I walked in his room and found him quietly playing. So I say down and just watched him. 

He was playing with blocks. His little hands building a tower, you could see his little mind working. I sat and just stared at him for almost 20minutes. I just wanted to pause that moment so I could soak it up as much as I could. I know he's growing up so fast. He's my favorite little man and he's definitely a mamas-boy. He's creative and a bit OCD. He's my snuggle bug and is always laughing. He's got that typical boy 'I'm getting into trouble' look. I have a hard time keeping a straight face when I'm correcting him because of his facial expressions and mannerisms. 

I am both mommy and daddy to my kids since their father isn't an active part of their world. So I was worried he'd be influenced by us girls too much. Umm NO. I can safely say he is all boy! And the joy of my heart. 

Ok just wanted to brag on my boy and remind myself and y'all that it goes by so quick. I have to make a point to slow down and "soak" them in. 

Reflection.... & Blessings

I know I know! This is a few weeks late, but better late than not at all!

So, 2013.... What a year huh? As I sit here and reflect on the past 12 months it brings back a lot of emotions. It was up, then down, then really down. There were victories in watching God's hand work in my life and there were defeats of working through my bad days. There were more tears shed this year than all my previous years put together I do believe. I found out what TRUE friendship really is and the unconditional love of family (Not just blood either). But the one constant theme is PEACE.
Peace has been the steadiness in all of the roller coaster moments. Even when I thought I couldn't cry another tear, that no more emotion could be rung out of me, Peace was the solid foundation my feet landed on every single time I thought I had hit rock bottom.

Lets do a VERY quick recap shall we?
I moved away to PA to start over, I had to move back to SC (which was exactly where God wanted me to begin with), I was pregnant, and gave birth to a perfect baby girl in May and 2 days later joined the ranks of other women by became a birthmom (a woman who places her child for adoption). I went back to work in August, placed my children in daycare, and through all this had multiple court hearings with their father. Which I must say is probably the one thing in my life I actually hate. I hate court.

That of course is the slim version, but in between those lines you can sense the tears and unspeakable hurt. Disappointment in myself. Doubt, Fear, and Failures. You also read of Hope and Faith and Love. Of friendships that never would have been without walking through this tough year. Peace in knowing no matter what was happening I would live and it would all be OK.

My life is in no way what I thought it would be at this point. In less than a month I'll be 32 and through the tears and fears and utter confusion God has been making my ashes into beauty. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined to be here - right now - in this place a year ago.

BUT! because this journey is a crazy and wild one, I also have so much to be thankful for! So along with this 'reflection' I am going to take a minute to brag on my blessings this past year and start looking forward with hope...

~ I am blessed by people who truly love me and care for me (and not just my family).
~ I have found a group of women who love me and carry me and cry with me when I need help putting one foot in front of the other.
~ I have job that is NOT what I ever thought Id be doing but its a job which is better than most have right now.
~ I have 2 beautiful children who keep me laughing and frankly are bound and determined to give me grey hair! I couldn't imagine my life without them. They are my complete world.
~ I also have a birth daughter who lives with her mommy and daddy up north... she is perfect and even though she doesn't know it, she saved my life.
~ Her parents are one of my biggest blessings. They are amazing people who love her so much. God knew what he was doing when he set them aside to be her parents. I am so grateful to them.

OK, Ill stop - although you know I could go on and on.... but you get the idea...

So with that I say "Goodbye 2013! I'm very happy to be closing your book" and
"Hello 2014! Be kind would ya?"

Love you all and sending you blessings this new year!
Rachel